38 Week Check Up

Hello Friends!

Well, there isn't much to post today! We are just playing the waiting game. We have a little over a week until the due date so it's just a different kind of 'watching and waiting' if you get my drift! All is well with the baby! He or she is still weighing in the 6 pound range.

As for the rest of the family we are just tying up the loose ends of anything we can do to make it a little easier when the baby does arrive. We both have a sense of urgency (do dad's get the whole nesting phase too?!) to get things done around the house and for Mark to get things done at his Mom's as well. It has been great for me! I have been more productive in the last little bit of time then I have been in months! Because after all, we could be in labor tomorrow!

However this whole accomplishment thing has got me thinking about a lot of other things as well. It's not all good either. When I get my to do list done I feel 'worthy' somehow. Like my line of thought is 'today I am capable and in control'. Which may or may not be bad, but the days I don't get my list done the opposite line of thought is true or so I think. I tend to think that I am unworthy or lazy. When in reality things happen and unexpected things come up that can't be helped. So it would appear I find my self-value in what I do or get done.

Which begs the question: where am I really suppose to be finding my value and where am I actually finding it? I have to confess that question has kept me up at night. I know what I want the answer to be. I know what I should say is the answer, but can I really say it? Can I say that God is the only place I find that? Honestly?

Not that having a to do list is bad or anything, but when it's a place of security it's not good! ANYTHING that gives a feeling of security that isn't God is false security. Who wants that? Not me I can tell you that! I have put my worth and security in a million things that were not God and I can assure you I don't want to do that again because eventually it lets you down. Hard.

So of course all this thinking led me to the story of Martha and Mary in the bible. Luke 10:38-42 for those of you not familiar. I'm not sure it applies all the way to my point, but it is pretty close. I'm not sure Martha is finding her identity in the preparations, but maybe. All I'm trying to say is that I'm not trying to take something out of context.

In the past I couldn't say I identified with one or the other 100%. But in these past months I am realizing I tend to be more of Martha then Mary. That was surprising to me. I want so much to be a Mary!

So the lesson for me lately has been to get somethings done sure, but to remember what is really needed. Find myself in that. Find myself sitting at Jesus' feet just listening (not talking!) and not being distracted by the things that need to be done. Or the things I think need to be done in order to feel good about myself. Maybe sounds small to everyone else, but HUGE to me!

Ok, so I have no idea if that makes sense to anyone else but there it is! Hopefully I didn't lose anyone in the rambling! Kind of scattered today!

Thanks for reading!

The Kartchners